This is going to be the final blog for Sniffles.

Realizing I’ve been the victim of constant and repeated emotional and physical abuse at the hands of Texas has made me re-evaluate my choices and how I live my life. I need a break from the steamy affairs.

This is my chance to live my life for myself finally, and part of that means Marie Kondo-ing everything that reminds me of him, and sadly that means this blog.

It’s been fun, until it wasn’t anymore. Thank you for reading my pleasures and remember that life is too short for bad sex.

The time I did it in front of his roommate

Once upon a time, I was dating a dude who lived with an unemployed hipster. Because his roommate was chronically unemployed we had very little private time…which of course irritated me because the guy I was dating wouldn’t fuck me unless his roommate was gone or asleep. For all intents and purposes I’ll call him Mr. Shy and his roommate Broke (he was).

So one night Mr. shy and I get back from a night of drinking together and take our places on his couch…he puts on Iron Man but honestly I was more focused on getting him inside me than I was the movie.

Back then I had a series of “moves” when I wanted to get my way…

I’d straddle him on the couch, give him gentle kisses leading from his mouth to his ears, then I’d play with his ear lobe by sucking/licking/biting it, then work my way down his neck to his chest, slid off his lap to my knees and undo his pants with one hand while I was stroking him over his clothes…

Before Tony has the electromagnet grafted into his chest I’m sucking Mr. Shy off. I always enjoyed blowing him…he was always verbal with what he liked and didn’t like.

So anyways, when I’ve got him fully hard I climb back up to ride him and just as I get myself positioned on him Broke walks through the door and sits down across from us. He of course panicked and tried to push me off but I wasn’t going anywhere very far…

Broke was so drunk he pretty much passed out, and after some convincing (we threw a pizza box, remote and pillow at him with no response) Mr. Shy agreed to let us finish where we were.

So I took my position on top of him again and start to ride. Because he was so focused on trying not to wake up Broke, he was looking over my shoulder the whole time and couldn’t cum after about 30 minutes.

I decided it was a lost cause that way and decided to try to get him to cum with oral. Again, he was focused on Broke…who was still passed out in his seat. It took me wrapping my scarf around him to get him to relax…and when he finally did it took me all of 30 seconds to get him to cum down the back of my throat.

One thing neither of us took into account was that he was a screamer…loud too. “ARRRHHHHHHH IM CUMMING!!!!! AHHHHHH FUCK YES!”

That’s what it took to wake Broke up…

That ironically was the last time he and I had sex because we broke up 2 weeks later.

Let’s talk about fantasies..

I can’t sleep and need to get ready for work in 2 hours…so let’s talk about fantasies.

I’ve realized over the years that I have some pretty standard fantasies and done fantasies that my girlfriends and partners have deemed “out there.”

1) The “forced sex” fantasy: I’m naturally a submissive in the bedroom. But I’ve always wanted to relinquish total control over to my partner. This takes an extreme amount of trust obviously. Ever since I first came into my sexuality in my late teens I’ve always wanted my partner to force himself on. Tie me up or down so I can’t move. Threaten me. Use me and be done with me. I want to feel that extreme dominance and power over me. I want him to act out all if his fantasies on me.

2) The “dirty housewife” fantasy: I’m standing in the kitchen, cooking my partners favorite meal when he comes home from work early. Seeing me standing there in a dress and apron he comes up behind me and slowly lifts the hem of my cocktail dress up just to the seam of my panties. As he slides the elastic to the side he starts whispering what a long day he’s had and how he’s so exhausted and just wants to relax and be taken care of. I ask him what he has in mind and he grabs a fistful of my hair and forces me down to my knees, still with my back facing him. He pulls my hair so I’m looking up at him and he bends over and kisses me gently, telling me that he wants to start off with a slow and wet blow job. I happily turn around and start rubbing his cock through his slacks as he lets out that restricted sigh of anticipation. When I feel him fully hard I unzip his pants and take him out with my mouth and begin to slowly work my mouth around the tip…taking him in inch by inch until he’s fully down my throat.

As I’m moving my head up and down on his dick he grabs my hair and pulls me to a standing position, he turns me around and bends me over right next to the stove, which is hot enough by now that I can feel the heat radiating from it. He spanks me 1,2,3,4 times…hard. Hard enough that the neighbors could probably hear. I feel him pushing his fingers at my asshole and he tells me he’s going to fuck my ass harder than I’ve ever been fucker before for not having dinner ready for him. As he enters me he takes no time, thrusting hard and concentrated. Over and over again until he cums. When he pulls out he grabs me by the hair again and tells me to finish dinner before it burns or else he’ll really give me a punishment.

3) “The Santa” Fantasy: ok. I’ve always had fantasy of being fucked by a man dressed as Santa…think Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa. Every Christmas I joke about wanting Santa to empty his sack of goodies down my throat…or giving me his lump of coal for being naughty…but I really do want that to happen.

4) The “party favor” fantasy: there’s something about being used by my partners friends at a party that turns me on. I’m not even wanting to be involved in said party…I’d rather be kept hidden away in a bedroom, for he and his friends to use accordingly. Group sex, gang bang, bukkake… Anything so long as I’m giving he and his friends pleasure.

5) The “public sex” fantasy: not just sex in a public place…I want to be fucked three ways to Sunday in a porno theater. A dark room, with hands coming from every which way feeling me up until I offer myself to them. Glory holes would be even better.

6) The drummer fantasy: now I’ve been told that because of the way a drum kit is setup this fantasy is near impossible but I’ve always wanted to blow a drummer, while he’s playing. I feel like that would take skill on both our parts..but fuck…how awesome would that be, right?