Goodbye!

This is going to be the final blog for Sniffles.

Realizing I’ve been the victim of constant and repeated emotional and physical abuse at the hands of Texas has made me re-evaluate my choices and how I live my life. I need a break from the steamy affairs.

This is my chance to live my life for myself finally, and part of that means Marie Kondo-ing everything that reminds me of him, and sadly that means this blog.

It’s been fun, until it wasn’t anymore. Thank you for reading my pleasures and remember that life is too short for bad sex.

Mr. Safety

Since the snow forced us to cancel our date tonight, I’ll tell you about one of the guys I’m dating…

You ever meet someone and they’re just….safe? Right after I officially ended things with Texas, this guy hits me up and we start talking. It was that all day, all night conversation that just flowed so freely and easily. We went on our first date and there was no sex – I really like him and didn’t want to be a rebound.

Our conversation didn’t even hit a sexual nature until about a week after our first date and I was horny. So I sent him this picture

And from there everything sped up. The first time I went to his house, we talked for hours. And then hooked up for hours. What I had intended to be a couple hours turned into an overnight stay late into the next day.

He’s a big dude. 6’4, 300lbs. He’s the kind of guy a girl like me can climb. And I do. He’s big into foreplay. Which after not getting any with Texas, is so refreshing. Mr. Safe pays attention to how my body responds and gives me more when I want it and recalibrates his approach when I don’t respond the way he wants.

The actual sex with him is…okay.

I’ve actually had more fun sitting on his face and playing with 69-style with him than I’ve had actually having sex. I like standing over him and forcing him to taste me. I like making him clean himself off my tits after he’s cum on them.

So he’s safe. He’s someone I can explore things with and enjoy myself with. It’s not my favorite. But it’s safe.

My first twofer.

Let me just take a minute to say that today has been great.  Had a killer job interview, got to see Texas, had some delicious mexican food and was – up until about 10 minutes ago – setting up a night of sexy times.  Then, my food allergies decided that they wanted to pay me a visit…ON MY FACE.  So now I’m sitting here scratching the hives on my cheek hoping that my allergy pills kick in.  Thanks delicious mexican food for ruining my celebratory sexy time night.

So instead of my original plans I thought I’d tell you guys about the time I had my first twofer…

I’m like 18/19 years old and hanging out with the guy I was dating at the time and one of his friends.  I was pretty head over heels for this guy and the sex was pretty okay.  I knew there was one guy in his group of friends that was attracted to me, but I never really gave him a chance, and that guy knew it, we’ll call him The OG (Other Guy).   Well after a few joints and a few beers, the guy I was dating – lets refer to him as The Conductor – tells me to go get in bed and wait for him.  I do, gladly, I was horny and knew I was gonna get some before the night was over.

Sex with The Conductor was pretty vanilla for the most part.  Missionary, doggy style, missionary, doggy style then he’d cum.  To his credit, he knew how to stroke it just right to make it satisfying for me (read:  Not get me off all the time, but enough for it to be pleasurable).

This evening was no different, I just thought it was a bit strange for him to leave his friend in the living room to come bang me.  When he walked in I was sitting on the edge of his bed waiting, he unzipped his pants, grabbed me by the back of my head and brought me to his dick. He was always in control of me giving him head. The pace, the depth, even the techniques with my mouth, he told me what i would and wouldn’t do. Before we actually had sex, he stopped and asked me if I would be okay leaving the door cracked because according to him, “I want my boys to know how good you are in bed.”  Little ole me, of course was like, “HELL YEAH!”  Whatever.

He bent me over the bed and began to fuck me, per usual.  We went through the normal positions, and when he came he pulled out and came on my pussy and made sure to as he always said, “rub it in” (don’t ask). Pretty par for the course for him.  What wasn’t, was when he asked me if I’d pity fuck his friend…So like any good slutty girlfriend, I finally offered to give The OG what he wanted. The Conductor left me in his room and brought him in. Dude was hard as a rock from listening through the cracked door…which at the time creeped me out a bit, in hindsight kind of turns me on…

The thing about The OG was that he was a shy guy by nature and I was very submissive…meaning neither of us were going to make the first move.  So my ever-so-caring man decided he would “conduct the symphony” so-to-speak.  I never knew The Conductor could be anything other than mechanical with sex, but when he got The OG and I into action, he was all about the roughness.  He wanted to hear my ass being smacked and wanted to hear my whimpers with each strike. He kept coming up to me and asking me if I liked it and every time I said yes, I’d get another smack.   He was outright giving me what I wanted…and when we were done, my right ass cheek was bruised and he in the days following he made no issue of slapping me there to remind me of what a “good girl” I was.

So as I’m riding The OG, The Conductor asks me to turn around and face him (my back to The OG) and keep riding. He kneeled down and watched me take The OG.  Next thing I know, he’s got his face between my legs and is licking my clit as I’m bouncing on The OG’s dick. Fucking hot and at the time I considered it crazy…because I’d only ever seen that shit in pornos.

I feel like in my sexual career very few men have cum for me when I’ve been on top.  The OG did though. He had a condom on but when he came he slammed his hips up into me so hard it knocked me back onto his chest.  I felt bad when he finished because The Conductor wasted no time making us get dressed and cleaned up. The OG never really said much to me after that and eventually he moved away…

As for The Conductor, I asked why what happened took place…He admitted that he was turned on watching me give another man pleasure when I still had his hot cum on me. We never did anything like that again…but I guess it was practice for Texas maybe?

 

The old friend.

So I texted an old friend today, with complete innocent intentions of catching up. We used to work together and occasionally keep in contact. We’ve never hooked up, although have flirted with the idea several times in the way back. As the conversation progressed and we started making plans, and he kept hinting at getting together this evening. Not at all what I had in mind, but I was already horny thinking about Texas hooking up with a friend of his tonight. So I decided what the hell, I’ll give him a shot.

We kind of hung out for a few, and he was quick to take his shirt off and ask for a massage. I have notoriously bony fingers but he’s a big dude and could probably handle my nubs digging into his neck and shoulder blades.

We made out for a bit. Nothing too crazy, but enough to make me feel like I was back in school again. He was holding onto me for dear life. What he did was actually embrace me. Which felt slightly awkward.

By the time we made it into the bedroom, I’d for some reason lost my sex drive…completely. Not because of anything he did, I just had a lot of things on my mind I think.

When I finally got around to blowing him, it was dead silent. I mean, you could hear his cats claws on the carpet. I worked my magic and was out of there in about 30 minutes…my slogan should be “you’ll cum in 30 minutes or less, or your money back” (sidenote: no money has EVER been exchanged for sexual favors. EVER. With anyone.)

But I did hear for the third time in about a week that I give phenomenal head…think it’s true?

The painter

I met the painter off Tinder…and for the first guy I actually bothered to talk to, he seems pretty badass.

He came over tonight with the intention of using me like a cum-dump for Texas, and even though that didn’t pan out as expected, I think we still had some fun 😉

I’m excited to see what develops with The Painter. He’s got a MASSIVE dick. Dick so big I choked half way down on it while I was blowing him.

I like that he’s rough without being too rough…he pays attention to my body signals and inflicts just enough pain to turn me on even more. And the spankings…holy mother of god I haven’t been spanked like that since the contractor (they also share the same biological name…must be a coincidence?)

He’s got a nice hearty beard. The kind a girl can really sink her teeth into…and the kind that adds just enough stimulation during oral to get a girl off…and he’s pretty sweet with his tongue 😉

The whole experience was pleasant for my first tinder hookup…

Maybe I will meet him out for a beer next time…

So about this weekend part 4

After the anonymous blow job, I re-joined my girlfriends and through conversation and more alcohol we find out that one of us is a lesbian and three of us are very curious about our own pussy eating skills.

The lesbian one kind of gave is pointers and then the conversation shifted to the worst head we’ve received. Mine was the time a dude tried to bite my clit off. Ouch.

So the bar closes and we walk back to my friends place. We’re sitting on her couch and this girl I’ll call Valkyrie pulls out the bullet she won at the passion party and starts testing it out.It was remote controlled so we took turns getting her off. So hot.

About the time that she put the bullet away, and the room started spinning my BFFs roommate comes home and is telling us about a friend of his who saw a picture of my tits and wants to have some fun. I drunkenly said, “he has to cum in my ass or no dice.” Apparently his friend is down…so that could be a nice situation.

The girls and I decide to go to bed and out of no where Valkyrie asks, “who wants me to go down on them? I need to practice my head skills!” My BFF was on her period, and I just really wanted my pussy ate. So over the bed she flys to bury her face between my legs.

It was amazing. For a girl who doesn’t regularly eat pussy, she knew exactly what she was doing. I don’t usually cum from getting eaten out but I came twice. She was a natural. So good.

So good that I got home today and got myself off from the memory of her going down on me. Jesus.

So that was my weekend. All of it.

So about this weekend part 3

Saturday rolls around and I finally roll out of bed around 2, leaving me just enough time to get showered, stop in and visit my parents for a few before I headed into the city for a girls night.

We went to one of those passion parties (dildos and lube FTW!) where being a slut comes in handy for winning prizes. After the party, and $75 in butt plugs, lube and perfume we go out for karaoke.

I was about 6 rum and cokes into the night and met this guy on a smoke break outside of the bar. He was nice enough, and sang Georgia on my mind for karaoke. I told him I liked his personality and basically just offered him a NSA blowjob. Sometimes I prefer to just be upfront about my intentions because it gets you further..like into the back of a corolla sucking a dude off.

Since I didn’t know him I wasn’t going to let him cum in my mouth, but when he was close I let him titty fuck me til he came. When he finished we both walked back into the bar.

Still don’t know his name. I just remember the massive amount of pubes I had to wade through to get to his dick and then me nose being ticked when I deep throated him.

So about this weekend part 1

My goal was to get as much cum as I could, and I succeeded in that.

Friday night started off with me hooking up with a friend from high school. I’ve always wanted to find out what he was working with, so when he called me and told me he wanted a crack at my pussy I couldn’t say no. Spur of the moment I went over to his place (his moms house…still the same as when we were in high school). We had a beer and he was stalling for a bit until he came out of the bathroom. He say down and we started to kiss. My ultimate goal was get the cum and get out of dodge, but he wanted to make it complicated. We’re sitting on this couch and I’m on my knees in front of him sucking his cock like a good little cum slut, then he tells me he wants me on top to 69…which is literally my least favorite position. So I gave him a good solid minute before I flipped around and sat on his dick.

Now, the rumor in high school was that he had a massive cock. Thats true. A solid 8.5 inches long and 6 or 7 in girth. Enough that when I was on top of him I was able to bounce like I was on a pogo stick. I told him I wanted him to “use me as a cum rag” so I got on my stomach and let him play with me from that angle for a minute. He explored my ass while he was fucking me but he came before he could put anything in it.

The most surprising thing was that immediately he was like, “I’m not done, I need to cum again.”

Well I had somewhere to be so I asked him how quick he could be and what would be the quickest way to get him off…I really had to go.

He jerked himself off and came on my breasts. I kind of smeared it around since he was a light cummer and basically went on my way home with his cum dripping out of me to start the next part of my night.

My experience with him was a one time thing…since I’m friends with his baby mama.

Let’s call him Ryan.

That’s not his name but I couldn’t remember is real name for the life of me.

Last night was my Hetero life mates birthday so we went out for drinks and karaoke at this dive in the city. She told me in the days leading up about her friend “Ryan” who had seen pictures of me on Facebook and wanted to get to know me…well being that she knows me she told him I wouldn’t get to know him and would just fuck him. (She and I are like one in the same)…

So we’re out drinking and he and I start chatting, the conversation goes like this:

Me: I want to get “cumslut” tattooed on the inside of my bottom lip
Him: that’s cute, I’m sure you’re not though.
Me: the one thing I want before the end of the year is a bukkake with like, 10 dudes.
Him: so you wanna go back to my place?

At first I was like fuck yeah, but then realized he lived an hour fucking away from where my car was, and I’ve got things to do in the morning…so no.

But my HLM then says use my place! You can use my bed! (Did I mention how much I love her??)

By closing time Ryan and I are making out like teenagers in the back of a lyft with 2 other people (a friend who used to work for me and his HLM)… We were THOSE people. My hand was down his pants, he had my tits out and was basically tongue fucking my mouth (we were beyond kissing at this point.)

So we get back to my HLM’s house go upstairs and get down to business…and to give you a time frame, this was at about 2am…I know that because I called Texas to see if he could give is a ride at 1:30.

Anyways, this whole night he’s been talking about how he can’t wait to get in my pussy, and how he wants me to cum all over his face as I’m sucking him off…turn on right?

No. I must have drank way too much because my pussy was more dry than the African savannah. It was a desert down there and I’m not a fool, spit wasn’t going to be enough. So I roll him on his back and take him in my mouth…admittedly, even at half mast with whisky dick, he still had a big dick. Like…big enough that today my jaw hurts.

And I’m not saying I’m a pro or anything at giving head, but I can usually get a guy to cum within 5 minutes. Not this dude…oh no. I had his dick in my mouth for 3 hours. 3. And we tried everything to get him off…69, rimming, throatfucking, etc…and nothing. Then he tells me he’s never gotten off from receiving. (Asshole…should have told me that before I blew my jaw out.)

What he lacked in the ability to cum he more than made up for with the ability to eat pussy. I used to hate it when guys would go down on me…it takes forever and I’m convinced I killed the nerves in my clit. But shit. My god. I’ve never wanted to strap myself onto a mans face like that before. I may or may not have woken up in the middle of the night and sat on his face…maybe 😉 – sidenote, still couldn’t cum from that. I was fighting a losing battle.

So meanwhile, after a pee break I get back in bed and he’s trying so hard to stay hard but the whisky was too much. And I have to say, men if you’re going to fingerbang a woman, trim your nails and know which hole you’re in. At one point, he was in my asshole and said to “god your pussy is tight.” Yeah…because that’s my shit pipe. Sorry to break it to you.

He didn’t actually cum until this morning. When he woke me up by fucking me and sucking on my tits…and when he’s fully hard it’s really fucking good. For a skinny metal head who looks like Brian “Head” Welch from Korn, his dick was huge…definitely not proportionate to his skinny body frame.

And let me say 2 things before I end this:

1) my ability to blow dudes and text at the same time is scary good.

2) you know you’ve got a great group of friends when two of them (females) walk into the bedroom watch you deep throat a dude that one of them has fucked then go get in the shower together. Followed by a third friend who does the same before getting in the shower with them. Then followed by a random dude who came to see where they went, watched you semi-puke on a dudes dick then gets in the shower with the three girls. And the next morning when you tell your HLM you owe her a bottle of lube, they all turn over in the air mattress they slept on, laugh at you and then high-five you.

I have awesome friends.

Fernando PT. 2

I love booty calls. Especially when I’m the one making the call.

I called up Fernando this morning around and he came running. Made a 45 minute trip in just under 30 minutes.

I told him if we’re going to continue to fuck he needs to take charge while we’re having sex because I was tired of “teaching” him what to do. He apologized and said it was because he didn’t want to “hurt me” which was funny since last time we hooked up he was way too gentle.

So we got a little tipsy off beer, wine and Machete Kills and he did that thing all guys do…started rubbing my knee and SLOWLY worked his way up my thigh…it was so slow I just grabbed his hand and stuck it up my nightie. He told me he was more interested in watching me cum than watching the movie. I just wish he wasn’t so directionally challenged when it comes to a vagina.

AGAIN I had to hold his hand in place for him to hit my spots…granted when I found it and he started working my clit, it wasn’t long before my first orgasm. And I really love it when a guy tastes his fingers after getting me off. UNF. After giving me a couple orgasms that way, he got down on his knees to use his mouth. And I’ll give him props…it was good. Almost as good as Texas. I don’t understand why he has such a hard time navigating my pussy with his digits, but with his mouth he just attacked it and before I could cum he stopped, pulled me up, took me to the side of my bed and bent me over and gave me a good, hard, luscious spanking.

He kept saying I shouldn’t boss him around because it wasn’t my place and that I need to ask his permission if I want him to do anything to me. It was hot and I was wet. I begged him to fuck me like that for what felt like hours.

He basically told me he’d fuck me if I was a good girl by letting him throat fuck me again, and how could I turn down that deal? Granted, I puked on his dick again and that still just as gross to me…but after he came he mounted me and pinned me down, one hand on my neck and the other pressing my wrist against my bed post.

My god, fucking him this time was a completely different experience. I had zero say in what happened to my body. He wasn’t trying to be something he’s not…but he was just forceful enough to slightly scare me and turn me on even more.

The thing I really enjoy about him was that he didn’t need much downtime between blowing his loads. Dude is like a fucking machine.

I think I’ll keep him around to fill the Texas void for now.