What do you do when you’ve never loved before?

When you love someone you trust them. I’ve never loved or trusted.

I’ve found someone who I both love and trust…the only thing is that distance keeps us from putting definitions on our relationship. It’s a free for all with emotions involved.

I’ve been in relationships where we kept it casual. It was easy. Because there were no emotions involved. They were just a body I got along with that kept me company.

But I’ve gotten myself into a situation where I actually love someone. I care about them deeply. And they say they feel the same way. So much so that he broke that barrier before I did. He told me I’m his soulmate and he couldn’t imagine life without me.

I believed him. I felt the same way, and he had no idea. How could I not believe him. At least I thought I felt the same way. He would tell me regularly he felt the same way….

Then one day he started telling me about his nights out with his friends…involving a girl…who he’s been trying to sleep with.

I asked him why he tells me loves me then he goes after her. He says because we’re not dating. I say I want to he says he doesn’t believe me because I won’t marry him or give him a baby. I tell him it’s because I want to date first. He says it’s because I questioned him about the girl. I tell him because I’m curious. I trust him. He won’t reply.

I’m in a situation completely unfamiliar. I want to fight for it. Because from what I hear you fight for love. but if I don’t know where he wants to be where I’m concerned, what do I do? He won’t respond to my questions. The rational side of me says leave it and walk away. The other part of me says to stay and wait it out.

This man literally has my heart in his hands and he’s playing a solo game of hot potato with it.

I don’t know how to love.