Goodbye!

This is going to be the final blog for Sniffles.

Realizing I’ve been the victim of constant and repeated emotional and physical abuse at the hands of Texas has made me re-evaluate my choices and how I live my life. I need a break from the steamy affairs.

This is my chance to live my life for myself finally, and part of that means Marie Kondo-ing everything that reminds me of him, and sadly that means this blog.

It’s been fun, until it wasn’t anymore. Thank you for reading my pleasures and remember that life is too short for bad sex.

The injury

You ever fuck so hard you hurt yourself? Sure we’ve all pulled muscles and strained our backs…but like ever had a legit injury that you’ve got to recover from?

I did. Right after I found out about Texas’ lies (the first time). I went out and found the literal first dick I could find. And he wanted to fuck in a kitchen, at his place.

So he’s got me up on a counter top, and we kinda slid around as he was fucking me and I was kind of like half on the counter? Well I shifted my arms the wrong way and my tailbone came off the counter and was banging up against the edge of the counter.

You know how it is when you’re soooooo close to cumming and there’s no turning back or breaking that focus to the finish line? That was us. Just fucking to cum. And we did…and that’s likely when I bruised my tailbone. Because not only was he driving me into the edge of the counter with each stroke, but as he came, he pulled almost all the way out and slammed into me with such force that I hear a “pop” then felt this searing, sharp (then dull, aching) pain in my ass. Literally.

I could barely walk out of his house upright. Sitting in my car was so painful I cried the whole way home. And for the next month I had to sit on a fucking donut because anything else felt like Poseidon was ramming my ass with his trident.

Shit was bad. And that’s why the next time I let a dude fuck me in a kitchen I made sure to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground.

Mr. Safety

Since the snow forced us to cancel our date tonight, I’ll tell you about one of the guys I’m dating…

You ever meet someone and they’re just….safe? Right after I officially ended things with Texas, this guy hits me up and we start talking. It was that all day, all night conversation that just flowed so freely and easily. We went on our first date and there was no sex – I really like him and didn’t want to be a rebound.

Our conversation didn’t even hit a sexual nature until about a week after our first date and I was horny. So I sent him this picture

And from there everything sped up. The first time I went to his house, we talked for hours. And then hooked up for hours. What I had intended to be a couple hours turned into an overnight stay late into the next day.

He’s a big dude. 6’4, 300lbs. He’s the kind of guy a girl like me can climb. And I do. He’s big into foreplay. Which after not getting any with Texas, is so refreshing. Mr. Safe pays attention to how my body responds and gives me more when I want it and recalibrates his approach when I don’t respond the way he wants.

The actual sex with him is…okay.

I’ve actually had more fun sitting on his face and playing with 69-style with him than I’ve had actually having sex. I like standing over him and forcing him to taste me. I like making him clean himself off my tits after he’s cum on them.

So he’s safe. He’s someone I can explore things with and enjoy myself with. It’s not my favorite. But it’s safe.

Back on the saddle

One of the things I’ve been exploring since leaving Texas is the power of my body and sexuality. Exploring how I use my body to please both myself and my partner.

Admittedly while with Texas, I had a lot of hangups while having sex with him. Which meant I was never on top.

But I threw caution to the wind and said “fuck it.” Obviously the guys that want to fuck me, like what they see…so I’ll take advantage of that.

Enter “Taco”…he’s called Taco in my book because he fucked me after feeding me tacos once. And that was pretty fucking awesome.

I met Taco on OKC, and it was really one of those conversations that started with me saying, “so how’s a lady supposed to get in your pants?” And after like 4 more texts I found myself at his house at 3am. Taco was the first cock I’d had in me since Texas and because of that I made it clear that when I got over there the first night it wasn’t to get to know each other.

And we didn’t. I got to his place, knocked on the door, and he answered the door naked with a huge, hard cock. We made it to his couch. I didn’t even realize he actually had a bed until like the 3rd time I was with him.

He tried to fuck me bent over the back of the couch but the angles were 100% wrong (thanks Ikea), we didn’t hit our stride until I got him on the couch and straddled him. There was something so liberating about watching him enjoy me riding him. And something even more enjoyable seeing his face smothered in between my tits.

Sadly, I wasn’t able to cum from being on top, as much as I enjoyed being in complete control of us. So I told him, before he could cut he needed to get me off first, because I’m a fuckin lady, right?

He bent my ass like it was a pretzel and hit the exact spot I needed hit…over and over again. He took a position I was used to with Texas, and took it to an EXTREME. I came so hard on my final orgasm I accidentally slapped him. Oops.

And then I left and was home by 4:30am.

Interesting note about Taco: he could be twins with one of Texas’ best friends.

My first twofer.

Let me just take a minute to say that today has been great.  Had a killer job interview, got to see Texas, had some delicious mexican food and was – up until about 10 minutes ago – setting up a night of sexy times.  Then, my food allergies decided that they wanted to pay me a visit…ON MY FACE.  So now I’m sitting here scratching the hives on my cheek hoping that my allergy pills kick in.  Thanks delicious mexican food for ruining my celebratory sexy time night.

So instead of my original plans I thought I’d tell you guys about the time I had my first twofer…

I’m like 18/19 years old and hanging out with the guy I was dating at the time and one of his friends.  I was pretty head over heels for this guy and the sex was pretty okay.  I knew there was one guy in his group of friends that was attracted to me, but I never really gave him a chance, and that guy knew it, we’ll call him The OG (Other Guy).   Well after a few joints and a few beers, the guy I was dating – lets refer to him as The Conductor – tells me to go get in bed and wait for him.  I do, gladly, I was horny and knew I was gonna get some before the night was over.

Sex with The Conductor was pretty vanilla for the most part.  Missionary, doggy style, missionary, doggy style then he’d cum.  To his credit, he knew how to stroke it just right to make it satisfying for me (read:  Not get me off all the time, but enough for it to be pleasurable).

This evening was no different, I just thought it was a bit strange for him to leave his friend in the living room to come bang me.  When he walked in I was sitting on the edge of his bed waiting, he unzipped his pants, grabbed me by the back of my head and brought me to his dick. He was always in control of me giving him head. The pace, the depth, even the techniques with my mouth, he told me what i would and wouldn’t do. Before we actually had sex, he stopped and asked me if I would be okay leaving the door cracked because according to him, “I want my boys to know how good you are in bed.”  Little ole me, of course was like, “HELL YEAH!”  Whatever.

He bent me over the bed and began to fuck me, per usual.  We went through the normal positions, and when he came he pulled out and came on my pussy and made sure to as he always said, “rub it in” (don’t ask). Pretty par for the course for him.  What wasn’t, was when he asked me if I’d pity fuck his friend…So like any good slutty girlfriend, I finally offered to give The OG what he wanted. The Conductor left me in his room and brought him in. Dude was hard as a rock from listening through the cracked door…which at the time creeped me out a bit, in hindsight kind of turns me on…

The thing about The OG was that he was a shy guy by nature and I was very submissive…meaning neither of us were going to make the first move.  So my ever-so-caring man decided he would “conduct the symphony” so-to-speak.  I never knew The Conductor could be anything other than mechanical with sex, but when he got The OG and I into action, he was all about the roughness.  He wanted to hear my ass being smacked and wanted to hear my whimpers with each strike. He kept coming up to me and asking me if I liked it and every time I said yes, I’d get another smack.   He was outright giving me what I wanted…and when we were done, my right ass cheek was bruised and he in the days following he made no issue of slapping me there to remind me of what a “good girl” I was.

So as I’m riding The OG, The Conductor asks me to turn around and face him (my back to The OG) and keep riding. He kneeled down and watched me take The OG.  Next thing I know, he’s got his face between my legs and is licking my clit as I’m bouncing on The OG’s dick. Fucking hot and at the time I considered it crazy…because I’d only ever seen that shit in pornos.

I feel like in my sexual career very few men have cum for me when I’ve been on top.  The OG did though. He had a condom on but when he came he slammed his hips up into me so hard it knocked me back onto his chest.  I felt bad when he finished because The Conductor wasted no time making us get dressed and cleaned up. The OG never really said much to me after that and eventually he moved away…

As for The Conductor, I asked why what happened took place…He admitted that he was turned on watching me give another man pleasure when I still had his hot cum on me. We never did anything like that again…but I guess it was practice for Texas maybe?

 

So about this weekend part 2

When I got back from my friends places I had to awkwardly run inside clenching my legs shut and trying to hold his cum inside me.

Texas decided that after I was done getting fucked he wanted to come over and “have seconds” as he put it. So he gets there, takes a look at my cum covered pussy and turns me onto my back to put my butt plug in. I hate having other people put it in, put when he didn’t it was quite as embarrassing…probably has something to do with the fact that I’ve bleed on his dick before…who knows.

Anyways, as of lately, he’s had this fascination with stuffing my vagina with multiple toys. Before I knew it I was being fucked with a rabbit and dildo in my pussy and my butt plug. I love the feeling of being that full. And I love watching Texas’ face as he’s fucking me while I’m that full.

I had a few really good orgasms and we decided to stop for the night and hang out..which was fine because at that point I was sore as fuck and just wanted to take it easy.

So about this weekend part 1

My goal was to get as much cum as I could, and I succeeded in that.

Friday night started off with me hooking up with a friend from high school. I’ve always wanted to find out what he was working with, so when he called me and told me he wanted a crack at my pussy I couldn’t say no. Spur of the moment I went over to his place (his moms house…still the same as when we were in high school). We had a beer and he was stalling for a bit until he came out of the bathroom. He say down and we started to kiss. My ultimate goal was get the cum and get out of dodge, but he wanted to make it complicated. We’re sitting on this couch and I’m on my knees in front of him sucking his cock like a good little cum slut, then he tells me he wants me on top to 69…which is literally my least favorite position. So I gave him a good solid minute before I flipped around and sat on his dick.

Now, the rumor in high school was that he had a massive cock. Thats true. A solid 8.5 inches long and 6 or 7 in girth. Enough that when I was on top of him I was able to bounce like I was on a pogo stick. I told him I wanted him to “use me as a cum rag” so I got on my stomach and let him play with me from that angle for a minute. He explored my ass while he was fucking me but he came before he could put anything in it.

The most surprising thing was that immediately he was like, “I’m not done, I need to cum again.”

Well I had somewhere to be so I asked him how quick he could be and what would be the quickest way to get him off…I really had to go.

He jerked himself off and came on my breasts. I kind of smeared it around since he was a light cummer and basically went on my way home with his cum dripping out of me to start the next part of my night.

My experience with him was a one time thing…since I’m friends with his baby mama.

Fucking Music, man

You know how you hear some songs and they’re just so inherently sexy that you can’t help but imagine what sex would be like to them?  Some of them are slower more sensual songs, and some of them are straight-up, no frills, hard fucking songs?  Because music is a big part of my life, I can usually tell if its a good fucking song, and whether I want to fuck to it…after all, music sets the mood most of the time right?

This is a list of a few of my favorite songs to fuck to (and maybe a few quick stories!) and a few songs I need to be fucked to.

Lenny Kravitz – Dancin Til Dawn
This song will always remind me of the time I spent the night in a desert, crammed into an RV with some random stranger who let me pick the music. I gave him a tiny bit of a strip tease and we fucked until we passed out (thanks alcohol!).  Woke up the next morning sweating, covered in dirt from the day before, with cum in my hair and had to trek back to my campsite…wouldn’t trade it for the world.  He was one of those full body strokers who put his back into it.  Also, ladies this has a really good beat to grind to.

Bill Withers – Who Is He (and what is he to you?)
Who knew a song about a cheating girlfriend could be something two people could have sex to?  I do apparently.  The same man who told me this song was about me, stuck his dick in me repeatedly to this song.  I didn’t realize what turned him on about this song (or the thought of me cheating for that matter) but I get it now.  When Bill Withers says, “you’re too much for one man, but not enough for two” he’d always stroke my face.  ALWAYS.

Nine Inch Nails – Closer
“I wanna fuck you like an animal”…I can’t tell you how many men sing that line during sex, who DON’T fuck me like an animal.  Still a good, sexy song to put you in the mood though.

Ginuwine – Pony
The first time I ever homewrecked was because of this song.  Way back when I was a Freshmen in high school.  Kayla threw a huge party at her parents house and I ended up on her parents bed with her boyfriend. Sex wasn’t anything to write home about, but the act of fucking a “taken” guy turned me on like crazy back then. I had no conscience back then.  But I blame this song for taking me down that road.  I jumped on his saddle alright 😉

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Deftones – Bored
I used to fuck a dude who was OBSESSED with this song after I had him listen to it…like everytime we had sex he’d play it on repeat.  I love Chino and spent most of my early sexual career fantasizing about fucking him whenever I had a lousy lay..and this dude was no exception…at least I had good music to listen to until he was done!

 Beyonce – Drunk in Love (ft. Jay-Z)
This song will always remind me of Texas.  Mainly because I asked him to put it on the youtubes one night and we ended up fucking for forever (yum) but for some reason, youtube kept playing it over, and over, and over, and over again…it got comical at one point.  But that was one of the first nights I lost count of my orgasms with him. I definitely wanted to drink his watermelon that night. 😉

 In This Moment – Blood
So Maria Brink is literally my definition of a beautiful woman.  She’s physically gorgeous, sexy as hell and confident as all get out. The song is about a break up and this extreme emotional pain she went through…which is probably why this song makes me want to dominate the shit out of a man.  Put him on all fours in a collar, walk him around and make him lick my boots.  Coincidentally, there was a dominatrix at the show I saw them at last week who actually had someone do that in the women’s bathroom.  It was hot.

In This Moment – Sex Metal Barbie
In This Moment gets two in a row…because this is a new song from them and I spent some quality time with my Rabbit and this song before sitting down to type this list out. They literally just released it like, yesterday.  But when I heard it in concert the other night, my girlfriend and I both agreed that it needed to be on our Fucking Playlists. Because Maria Brink. And to be honest when I heard it all I could envision is Texas watching me get my ass rammed and filled by a stranger.

 Deftones – You’ve Seen the Butcher
I have a small fetish for men covered in fake blood.  Whenever I see that image my clit starts throbbing.  And Chino Moreno does the same thing for me.

Funny story about Chino:  When I worked in Radio, I was getting on the elevator and physically ran into as he got off the elevator.  If I wasn’t so starstruck and immediately horny, I probably would have gotten naked right there and humped his leg…but instead I squeaked out a “so sorry” and he just laughed it off and told me not to apologize.  Then asked me how to get in our office and I silently let him in.  That was my chance.  Should have taken it…too big of a pussy.

She Wants Revenge – Tear You Apart
This song came into my life by way of what I call my “Transition” boyfriend.  I was shifting away from hanging around with the gang bangers and drug dealers to people who were less likely to get me killed or thrown in jail.  He was very much your typical “goth” kid, but with the build of a line backer.  He was hot.  We bonded over our mutual dislike of Math and being stuck in detention together a few times in high school…we reconnected our first year in college – thanks Myspace.  While we never fucked to this song, its always turned me on.

Aaliyah – If Your Girl Only Knew
takes me back to high school…and homewrecking.  Still sexy though.

The aspiring star

While I’m sitting here at work bored to death I’ll tell you one of a few stories about how I got to be known as the welcome wagon at my old job…

So I believe I mentioned a while ago that I used to work in radio, and because of our format we had a ton of new artists coming through the door to impress us.

One particular day a cute little cowboy came strutting into our office with his wranglers, Stetson hat, and guitar on his shoulder. He was adorable and had dimples so deep you could swim in them and walked with a gait that screamed “I HAVE A BIG JUICY DICK!”

My bosses made the mistake of inviting me out to dinner with them, this guy and his rep. While the big wigs discussed airplay and the latest industry happenings he and I had a few strong drinks and nice conversation. At the end of the night he wanted to continue drinking so everyone left us and went home. We closed out this little dive (which has become my usual drunken late night go to with musicians) after I had my hands down his pants stroking him under the bar. I’ll never forget what he kept telling me:

“Damn girl, you’re wild. You like a little danger don’t cha? You’re the kind of girl who’s down to go anywhere.”

We got back to his room and fooled around a bit. He suckled my tits like he was a baby, which right now would have been fine because of how sensitive they’ve been lately, but back then I couldn’t feel a damn thing.

He kept telling me I could never tell because the image they’re going for is a single and sweet southern gentleman. Bahaha. When he took his dick out of his pants he hopped on top of me to alternate between titty and face fucking me. To his credit, those jeans didn’t tell a damn lie. My gag reflex isn’t super sensitive but he had me gagging with less than 3/4 of his dick in my mouth. He was mindful to pin my arms down with his knees, so he was in total control. He blew one load down the back of my throat, rolled off of me and told me to give him 10 minutes.

When he was in fighting condition again, he told me to flip over so he could ride me like a bucking bronco. He closed my legs, straddled me, spread my ass and rammed me in the prone position (my favorite) and I made some stupid comment about bucking like a bronco which I immediately regretted when he shoved two fingers into my ass…he definitely had me bucking at that point 😉

When he finished on my ass, he asked me to stay the night with him and being drunk and broke I really had no choice. I made it out before he woke up and the next few times we saw each other after that was completely casual, except when he’d sing this one song, he’d look directly in my eyes the whole time and do this little pseudo-air humping motion.

Let’s call him Ryan.

That’s not his name but I couldn’t remember is real name for the life of me.

Last night was my Hetero life mates birthday so we went out for drinks and karaoke at this dive in the city. She told me in the days leading up about her friend “Ryan” who had seen pictures of me on Facebook and wanted to get to know me…well being that she knows me she told him I wouldn’t get to know him and would just fuck him. (She and I are like one in the same)…

So we’re out drinking and he and I start chatting, the conversation goes like this:

Me: I want to get “cumslut” tattooed on the inside of my bottom lip
Him: that’s cute, I’m sure you’re not though.
Me: the one thing I want before the end of the year is a bukkake with like, 10 dudes.
Him: so you wanna go back to my place?

At first I was like fuck yeah, but then realized he lived an hour fucking away from where my car was, and I’ve got things to do in the morning…so no.

But my HLM then says use my place! You can use my bed! (Did I mention how much I love her??)

By closing time Ryan and I are making out like teenagers in the back of a lyft with 2 other people (a friend who used to work for me and his HLM)… We were THOSE people. My hand was down his pants, he had my tits out and was basically tongue fucking my mouth (we were beyond kissing at this point.)

So we get back to my HLM’s house go upstairs and get down to business…and to give you a time frame, this was at about 2am…I know that because I called Texas to see if he could give is a ride at 1:30.

Anyways, this whole night he’s been talking about how he can’t wait to get in my pussy, and how he wants me to cum all over his face as I’m sucking him off…turn on right?

No. I must have drank way too much because my pussy was more dry than the African savannah. It was a desert down there and I’m not a fool, spit wasn’t going to be enough. So I roll him on his back and take him in my mouth…admittedly, even at half mast with whisky dick, he still had a big dick. Like…big enough that today my jaw hurts.

And I’m not saying I’m a pro or anything at giving head, but I can usually get a guy to cum within 5 minutes. Not this dude…oh no. I had his dick in my mouth for 3 hours. 3. And we tried everything to get him off…69, rimming, throatfucking, etc…and nothing. Then he tells me he’s never gotten off from receiving. (Asshole…should have told me that before I blew my jaw out.)

What he lacked in the ability to cum he more than made up for with the ability to eat pussy. I used to hate it when guys would go down on me…it takes forever and I’m convinced I killed the nerves in my clit. But shit. My god. I’ve never wanted to strap myself onto a mans face like that before. I may or may not have woken up in the middle of the night and sat on his face…maybe 😉 – sidenote, still couldn’t cum from that. I was fighting a losing battle.

So meanwhile, after a pee break I get back in bed and he’s trying so hard to stay hard but the whisky was too much. And I have to say, men if you’re going to fingerbang a woman, trim your nails and know which hole you’re in. At one point, he was in my asshole and said to “god your pussy is tight.” Yeah…because that’s my shit pipe. Sorry to break it to you.

He didn’t actually cum until this morning. When he woke me up by fucking me and sucking on my tits…and when he’s fully hard it’s really fucking good. For a skinny metal head who looks like Brian “Head” Welch from Korn, his dick was huge…definitely not proportionate to his skinny body frame.

And let me say 2 things before I end this:

1) my ability to blow dudes and text at the same time is scary good.

2) you know you’ve got a great group of friends when two of them (females) walk into the bedroom watch you deep throat a dude that one of them has fucked then go get in the shower together. Followed by a third friend who does the same before getting in the shower with them. Then followed by a random dude who came to see where they went, watched you semi-puke on a dudes dick then gets in the shower with the three girls. And the next morning when you tell your HLM you owe her a bottle of lube, they all turn over in the air mattress they slept on, laugh at you and then high-five you.

I have awesome friends.