Goodbye!

This is going to be the final blog for Sniffles.

Realizing I’ve been the victim of constant and repeated emotional and physical abuse at the hands of Texas has made me re-evaluate my choices and how I live my life. I need a break from the steamy affairs.

This is my chance to live my life for myself finally, and part of that means Marie Kondo-ing everything that reminds me of him, and sadly that means this blog.

It’s been fun, until it wasn’t anymore. Thank you for reading my pleasures and remember that life is too short for bad sex.

My first twofer.

Let me just take a minute to say that today has been great.  Had a killer job interview, got to see Texas, had some delicious mexican food and was – up until about 10 minutes ago – setting up a night of sexy times.  Then, my food allergies decided that they wanted to pay me a visit…ON MY FACE.  So now I’m sitting here scratching the hives on my cheek hoping that my allergy pills kick in.  Thanks delicious mexican food for ruining my celebratory sexy time night.

So instead of my original plans I thought I’d tell you guys about the time I had my first twofer…

I’m like 18/19 years old and hanging out with the guy I was dating at the time and one of his friends.  I was pretty head over heels for this guy and the sex was pretty okay.  I knew there was one guy in his group of friends that was attracted to me, but I never really gave him a chance, and that guy knew it, we’ll call him The OG (Other Guy).   Well after a few joints and a few beers, the guy I was dating – lets refer to him as The Conductor – tells me to go get in bed and wait for him.  I do, gladly, I was horny and knew I was gonna get some before the night was over.

Sex with The Conductor was pretty vanilla for the most part.  Missionary, doggy style, missionary, doggy style then he’d cum.  To his credit, he knew how to stroke it just right to make it satisfying for me (read:  Not get me off all the time, but enough for it to be pleasurable).

This evening was no different, I just thought it was a bit strange for him to leave his friend in the living room to come bang me.  When he walked in I was sitting on the edge of his bed waiting, he unzipped his pants, grabbed me by the back of my head and brought me to his dick. He was always in control of me giving him head. The pace, the depth, even the techniques with my mouth, he told me what i would and wouldn’t do. Before we actually had sex, he stopped and asked me if I would be okay leaving the door cracked because according to him, “I want my boys to know how good you are in bed.”  Little ole me, of course was like, “HELL YEAH!”  Whatever.

He bent me over the bed and began to fuck me, per usual.  We went through the normal positions, and when he came he pulled out and came on my pussy and made sure to as he always said, “rub it in” (don’t ask). Pretty par for the course for him.  What wasn’t, was when he asked me if I’d pity fuck his friend…So like any good slutty girlfriend, I finally offered to give The OG what he wanted. The Conductor left me in his room and brought him in. Dude was hard as a rock from listening through the cracked door…which at the time creeped me out a bit, in hindsight kind of turns me on…

The thing about The OG was that he was a shy guy by nature and I was very submissive…meaning neither of us were going to make the first move.  So my ever-so-caring man decided he would “conduct the symphony” so-to-speak.  I never knew The Conductor could be anything other than mechanical with sex, but when he got The OG and I into action, he was all about the roughness.  He wanted to hear my ass being smacked and wanted to hear my whimpers with each strike. He kept coming up to me and asking me if I liked it and every time I said yes, I’d get another smack.   He was outright giving me what I wanted…and when we were done, my right ass cheek was bruised and he in the days following he made no issue of slapping me there to remind me of what a “good girl” I was.

So as I’m riding The OG, The Conductor asks me to turn around and face him (my back to The OG) and keep riding. He kneeled down and watched me take The OG.  Next thing I know, he’s got his face between my legs and is licking my clit as I’m bouncing on The OG’s dick. Fucking hot and at the time I considered it crazy…because I’d only ever seen that shit in pornos.

I feel like in my sexual career very few men have cum for me when I’ve been on top.  The OG did though. He had a condom on but when he came he slammed his hips up into me so hard it knocked me back onto his chest.  I felt bad when he finished because The Conductor wasted no time making us get dressed and cleaned up. The OG never really said much to me after that and eventually he moved away…

As for The Conductor, I asked why what happened took place…He admitted that he was turned on watching me give another man pleasure when I still had his hot cum on me. We never did anything like that again…but I guess it was practice for Texas maybe?

 

So about this weekend part 3

Saturday rolls around and I finally roll out of bed around 2, leaving me just enough time to get showered, stop in and visit my parents for a few before I headed into the city for a girls night.

We went to one of those passion parties (dildos and lube FTW!) where being a slut comes in handy for winning prizes. After the party, and $75 in butt plugs, lube and perfume we go out for karaoke.

I was about 6 rum and cokes into the night and met this guy on a smoke break outside of the bar. He was nice enough, and sang Georgia on my mind for karaoke. I told him I liked his personality and basically just offered him a NSA blowjob. Sometimes I prefer to just be upfront about my intentions because it gets you further..like into the back of a corolla sucking a dude off.

Since I didn’t know him I wasn’t going to let him cum in my mouth, but when he was close I let him titty fuck me til he came. When he finished we both walked back into the bar.

Still don’t know his name. I just remember the massive amount of pubes I had to wade through to get to his dick and then me nose being ticked when I deep throated him.

So about this weekend part 1

My goal was to get as much cum as I could, and I succeeded in that.

Friday night started off with me hooking up with a friend from high school. I’ve always wanted to find out what he was working with, so when he called me and told me he wanted a crack at my pussy I couldn’t say no. Spur of the moment I went over to his place (his moms house…still the same as when we were in high school). We had a beer and he was stalling for a bit until he came out of the bathroom. He say down and we started to kiss. My ultimate goal was get the cum and get out of dodge, but he wanted to make it complicated. We’re sitting on this couch and I’m on my knees in front of him sucking his cock like a good little cum slut, then he tells me he wants me on top to 69…which is literally my least favorite position. So I gave him a good solid minute before I flipped around and sat on his dick.

Now, the rumor in high school was that he had a massive cock. Thats true. A solid 8.5 inches long and 6 or 7 in girth. Enough that when I was on top of him I was able to bounce like I was on a pogo stick. I told him I wanted him to “use me as a cum rag” so I got on my stomach and let him play with me from that angle for a minute. He explored my ass while he was fucking me but he came before he could put anything in it.

The most surprising thing was that immediately he was like, “I’m not done, I need to cum again.”

Well I had somewhere to be so I asked him how quick he could be and what would be the quickest way to get him off…I really had to go.

He jerked himself off and came on my breasts. I kind of smeared it around since he was a light cummer and basically went on my way home with his cum dripping out of me to start the next part of my night.

My experience with him was a one time thing…since I’m friends with his baby mama.

The time I did it in front of his roommate

Once upon a time, I was dating a dude who lived with an unemployed hipster. Because his roommate was chronically unemployed we had very little private time…which of course irritated me because the guy I was dating wouldn’t fuck me unless his roommate was gone or asleep. For all intents and purposes I’ll call him Mr. Shy and his roommate Broke (he was).

So one night Mr. shy and I get back from a night of drinking together and take our places on his couch…he puts on Iron Man but honestly I was more focused on getting him inside me than I was the movie.

Back then I had a series of “moves” when I wanted to get my way…

I’d straddle him on the couch, give him gentle kisses leading from his mouth to his ears, then I’d play with his ear lobe by sucking/licking/biting it, then work my way down his neck to his chest, slid off his lap to my knees and undo his pants with one hand while I was stroking him over his clothes…

Before Tony has the electromagnet grafted into his chest I’m sucking Mr. Shy off. I always enjoyed blowing him…he was always verbal with what he liked and didn’t like.

So anyways, when I’ve got him fully hard I climb back up to ride him and just as I get myself positioned on him Broke walks through the door and sits down across from us. He of course panicked and tried to push me off but I wasn’t going anywhere very far…

Broke was so drunk he pretty much passed out, and after some convincing (we threw a pizza box, remote and pillow at him with no response) Mr. Shy agreed to let us finish where we were.

So I took my position on top of him again and start to ride. Because he was so focused on trying not to wake up Broke, he was looking over my shoulder the whole time and couldn’t cum after about 30 minutes.

I decided it was a lost cause that way and decided to try to get him to cum with oral. Again, he was focused on Broke…who was still passed out in his seat. It took me wrapping my scarf around him to get him to relax…and when he finally did it took me all of 30 seconds to get him to cum down the back of my throat.

One thing neither of us took into account was that he was a screamer…loud too. “ARRRHHHHHHH IM CUMMING!!!!! AHHHHHH FUCK YES!”

That’s what it took to wake Broke up…

That ironically was the last time he and I had sex because we broke up 2 weeks later.

I’m back…with a story

So tonight my BFFs and I went out to celebrate my birthday (which is on monday)…and being in my new place has taken ahold of me by the horns.

So we’re out dancing and a guy named Gellycat (I shit you not that’s the name he programmed into my phone)…starts making out with me…whatever, I don’t really remember what he looked like besides short, black with and Afro. He couldn’t close the deal so I moved on, to “Fernando” because he’s from the San Fernando valley. He’s talk, Mexican and fine as fuck. I offer to buy him a drink and in return we end up dancing the night away.

The way he grabbed my hips and moved my body with his was do damn erotic I couldn’t help myself…I was THAT girl in the club…full on skirt up trying to fuck on the dance floor. Apparently my girlfriends thought I was getting a little too “close” to him so they decided to move on to the next club down the street..long story short- I met up with two dudes I went to high school with, told them I wanted them to tag team me then went home with Fernando.

I should have known the sex would be awful based on his kissing ability (he was awful…all over the place and I should have gone with the Gellycat.

I wasted no time once I got him back to my place. And immediately he went straight to flicking my bean. I usually love it when guys do this (admittedly Texas always knew how to hit it just right) but this dude was WAY off the mark…like terrible. Even with coaching he was off the mark. Jesus effing Christ I’m helping you and you’re STILL getting it wrong.

Then he tells me he wants me to suck his dick. So i happily obliged. Well I ended up puking on his dick (from being throat fucked) and I’ll tell you tasting your own puke on a dick is disgusting…and unfortunately he wouldn’t let me stop sucking his dick until he covered my face in his cum.

(SIDE NOTE: I forgot how much I love balls in my mouth)

I practically have to beg him to fuck me hard…it was like he was casually trying to make love to me. Then I told him to fuck my ass…and he lost it. I’m pretty sure my neighbors heard me getting my ass torn open by Fernando. For what he lacked in vaginal sex he made up for with anal. Dude just went to town like the world was ending tomorrow. and holy fuck he made me squirt with a nice little reach around playing with my clit (which he was able to find this time, miraculously) and basically at that point I was done. I fell over my edge and gave into my urges.

I will say that he was almost shock when I called him a cab…like dude if I won’t let my BFFs stay the night tonight then why would YOU get to?

I’ll give him prpps though..he was exec elect at prone boning me And choking me. Mmhmmm. He gets a gold star for that. Glad I chose him in that respect.

Mystery Man

So long story short I threw my back out Friday and have been in constant pain (bad pain) since then.  It all accumulated today when I had to fucking roll and slide out of my bed (a three foot drop to the ground), army crawl to the stairs, slide down those, and army crawl into my kitchen to find food because I’d been awake for 8 hours and needed to stuff my face.  In between the pain meds, muscle relaxers and down time I’ve spent a lot of time thinking….which is incredibly dangerous for me.  My mind is my greatest weapon when it comes to me being my own worst enemy.

For some reason I keep thinking about this dream over and over in my head that I had last night…

I’m cooking dinner when a man shows up at my door…I don’t know who he is.  Not literally (because according to him we know each other)  but in my mind I can’t make out his features…all I know is he smells like Arber cologne from The Body Shop (the number 1 scent on a man that instantly turns me on).  I greet him with a kiss on the cheek and a quick hug and invite him in.  He’s familiar.  His presence is safe and comforting.

He’s dressed in nice jeans and a dark blue button down shirt and I’m in this drop front black dress and 6inch, red, patent leather wedges.  I tower over him but it doesn’t bother me.

I’m cooking flank steak, Spanish rice and have fresh tortillas warming in the oven.  He picks up a knife and starts helping me dice onions and peppers.  When dinner is ready we sit in front of my window overlooking the bay.  Its a clear night right around dusk and the sunset is creating the warm orange/pinkish glow that accents the lights on the port and city beautifully.  We enjoy our meal and talk about politics, social issues and aliens (don’t ask).

We move over to my couch to continue the conversation, and the topics shift from personal views and opinions to talking about sexual histories.  We spend hours probing each others minds about various fetishes, fantasies and desires over a bottles of wine when I decide to kick things up a notch.  I straddle him as he tries to tell me about the time in college that he had a threesome.  I’m kissing him everywhere…his lips to his ears, down his neck, around his collar bone and back up to his lips as he slides his hand up my thigh and under my dress.  I’m not wearing any panties and he takes advantage of that; running his fingers in between my cheeks and gently grazing my backside.  In my dream I’m anticipating him exploring more and my heart starts to race with excitement. I want nothing more than for him to discover my body.  To find out how to touch me and where to touch me to elicit the responses he wants.

I can feel him hardening under me with every movement of my hips grinding into him.  I start to unbutton his shirt and run my hands over his chest and through his dark brown hair…I love a man with chest hair.  Jesus-fucking-Christ do I love a man with thick chest hair.

He tells me he’s missed the feel of my skin in his hands, that he missed the way I sucked on his ear…the way I moaned when he used to bite my bottom lip and the he way I move my body when he runs his hands over my lower back and ass.  All I can think about is how familiar this is.  How much I’ve wanted this from him…and even though I’m inches away from his face I can’t tell who he is.  The lights are down in my apartment and the only illumination is coming from the lights of the city. 

I work my way down his body as I’m unbuttoning the rest of his shirt until I get to the waist band of his pants.  I look up at him and smile. I want what’s under his pants.  I want to worship his cock and show him how much I love it.  He puts his hands in my hair and tells me, “do what you want baby”.  I take my time unwrapping him.  I’m excited and want to savor every moment and I can’t take my eyes off him.  He’s studying me, watching my hands and my face….I secretly hope he can’t tell how much I want him.  I hope he can’t see the anticipation in my eyes. 

I pull his pants and boxers off and he’s rock solid in all of his glory and I can’t help but smile as I take him in my mouth and swirl my tongue around his head.  I love the sigh he gives me as I make my way down his shaft, working my hands in a circular motion around his base as my head bobs up and down on him.  When he grabs my head he doesn’t force me down on him, he doesn’t try to control me, he just holds onto me like I’m whats keeping him connected to this world.  The longer I have him in my mouth the less I want to stop myself.  I stop to tell him how much I love his cock and how perfect it is and he just smiles at me and tells me to “come here.”  I don’t want to stop but he gives me a little yank on my hair. 

As I stand up he grabs my hips and lowers me onto him, slowly until he’s fully inside of me.  I start rocking back and forth with guidance from his hands on my hips and I can already start to feel the ecstasy building inside of me. He’s controlling the pace and keeping things slow, but his grasp on my body is getting tighter.  He moves his hands up my back and pulls me into him so my breasts smother his face.  He takes my nipple in his mouth and bites down gently, enough to send a shiver up my spine adding to the pleasure I’m already experiencing.

He starts to increase the pace I’m riding him at and I can’t control myself anymore. I’m right there on that edge, teetering back and forth as I’m riding him…everything is being stimulated and he grabs my face and kisses me.  He can tell I’m going to cum soon and tells me to wait for him because he’s close too.  He wants to look me in my eyes as he pushes me over the edge. My body explodes and shakes uncontrollably as he drags my hips across his lap in short, disjointed strokes.  I’m hot and sweaty and collapsed in a heap on him…

We sit there for a while, in silence…blissful silence.  He strokes up and down my back with his hands as I kiss his shoulders and its just perfect and comforting.

 

Then my horny ass woke up in pain and it was over.  Just like that.  Stupid fucking subconscious.

Who was that guy in my dream?  Why was the sex so incredible? It was so gentle but that orgasm was fucking fantastic…Why was I cooking Mexican food instead of something that’s more my style?  Why wasn’t I able to make out his face?  Why did he feel so safe and comfortable?  Why didn’t we get in bed?

So many questions and ZERO answers god dammit.

Ugh.

 

If the boats rockin’ don’t come knockin’

There are two things I’m superb at. Ruining romantic advances and corrupting the innocent men who approach me with them.

The Captain was one of those sweet, innocent dudes who just wanted to find Mrs. Right…and I’m not her…for him at least. The Captain is a well rounded man…he’s easy on the eyes, tall, lean and tan. Early 30’s, well educated, military reservist and rich.

Rich enough to own a 50ft yacht (that he lives on) a beautiful truck and some fancy ass motorcycle that he keeps in town along with his boat part time while also paying to moor it about 30 miles NE of me (where he keeps his truck).

In addition to this he’s just a genuinely sweet guy. Good natured and apparently a hopeless romantic…according to him his ex wife cheated on him because, “he’s too nice”…go figure.

So long story short, I end up at The Captains yacht and it is fucking gorgeous. It was like being in a hotel suite on water. Everything was dark wood and black. He offers me some scotch (neat) and I have to say, it wasn’t that bad…at least after the third one. By then I was feeling like “either fuck me or I’m calling a cab.” But he’s just being sweet. Making sure I was comfortable. Making sure I had enough to drink. Making sure I wasn’t getting sea sick…it was cute, but I’d had enough. I just came out and asked if we were gonna hookup or not. And he was shocked. Speechless. And stuttering.

He finally got out a meek, “yeah I’d like to but only if you want to.” And in that moment something came over me. I don’t know if it was the scotch, the wine from earlier or the floating hotel room I was in but I became this really aggressive person….I told him everything I wanted him to do. “Strip, turn around, put your hands on your hips, go get in bed and lay on your back.” I’m glad I took the time to appreciate his body…you could probably cut a diamond on the edges of his muscles.

When I got in bed with him I made him put his hands behind his head and told him touching was off limits and that the only way he could cum was if it was in my mouth or on my tits. When I said that he looked like a kid in a fucking candy store…so stupid and giddy.

I had to really take my time on him. For such a small body frame his dick was pretty big. Big enough that I had to stop about 15 minutes in and give my jaw a break…in that time I told him to stroke himself, but he wasn’t allowed to cum. Watching him watch me as he jerked himself off was a huge turn on. He had this intense look on his face and he refused to break my glance. When I finally felt comfortable enough to put him in my mouth again I took him all in. Down to the bone…I don’t think he’s ever been deep throated because he went nuts. He wrapped his legs around my lower back and squeezed. He didn’t say stop so I milked him with the back of my throat and that sent him over the edge. Next thing I know he’s grunting and thrusting into my mouth as his cum is sliding down my throat. That stupid giddy look returned when he opened his eyes and looked down the bed at me. It’s still sweet but kind of weird.

After he caught his breath, he said he felt bad that I didn’t cum but that it was exciting being with such a domineering woman. He told me he’s only ever gotten head a few times in his life because he always thought it was disrespectful to women. Also that he’s never hooked up without dating a woman for a few weeks…He said it felt strange just using me for my mouth.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him 99% of the time I’m usually the one being told what to do and swallowing enough cum to go swimming in….

I told him to make it up to me. To envision his ex wife and to hate-fuck me. He couldn’t do it and it’s probably a good thing too. With a cock like his he could have broke something. The sex was average, my blowjob was better. I’ll give him props for calling me a “dirty fucking cunt” over and over.

…That was a nice touch.