Let’s call him Ryan.

That’s not his name but I couldn’t remember is real name for the life of me.

Last night was my Hetero life mates birthday so we went out for drinks and karaoke at this dive in the city. She told me in the days leading up about her friend “Ryan” who had seen pictures of me on Facebook and wanted to get to know me…well being that she knows me she told him I wouldn’t get to know him and would just fuck him. (She and I are like one in the same)…

So we’re out drinking and he and I start chatting, the conversation goes like this:

Me: I want to get “cumslut” tattooed on the inside of my bottom lip
Him: that’s cute, I’m sure you’re not though.
Me: the one thing I want before the end of the year is a bukkake with like, 10 dudes.
Him: so you wanna go back to my place?

At first I was like fuck yeah, but then realized he lived an hour fucking away from where my car was, and I’ve got things to do in the morning…so no.

But my HLM then says use my place! You can use my bed! (Did I mention how much I love her??)

By closing time Ryan and I are making out like teenagers in the back of a lyft with 2 other people (a friend who used to work for me and his HLM)… We were THOSE people. My hand was down his pants, he had my tits out and was basically tongue fucking my mouth (we were beyond kissing at this point.)

So we get back to my HLM’s house go upstairs and get down to business…and to give you a time frame, this was at about 2am…I know that because I called Texas to see if he could give is a ride at 1:30.

Anyways, this whole night he’s been talking about how he can’t wait to get in my pussy, and how he wants me to cum all over his face as I’m sucking him off…turn on right?

No. I must have drank way too much because my pussy was more dry than the African savannah. It was a desert down there and I’m not a fool, spit wasn’t going to be enough. So I roll him on his back and take him in my mouth…admittedly, even at half mast with whisky dick, he still had a big dick. Like…big enough that today my jaw hurts.

And I’m not saying I’m a pro or anything at giving head, but I can usually get a guy to cum within 5 minutes. Not this dude…oh no. I had his dick in my mouth for 3 hours. 3. And we tried everything to get him off…69, rimming, throatfucking, etc…and nothing. Then he tells me he’s never gotten off from receiving. (Asshole…should have told me that before I blew my jaw out.)

What he lacked in the ability to cum he more than made up for with the ability to eat pussy. I used to hate it when guys would go down on me…it takes forever and I’m convinced I killed the nerves in my clit. But shit. My god. I’ve never wanted to strap myself onto a mans face like that before. I may or may not have woken up in the middle of the night and sat on his face…maybe 😉 – sidenote, still couldn’t cum from that. I was fighting a losing battle.

So meanwhile, after a pee break I get back in bed and he’s trying so hard to stay hard but the whisky was too much. And I have to say, men if you’re going to fingerbang a woman, trim your nails and know which hole you’re in. At one point, he was in my asshole and said to “god your pussy is tight.” Yeah…because that’s my shit pipe. Sorry to break it to you.

He didn’t actually cum until this morning. When he woke me up by fucking me and sucking on my tits…and when he’s fully hard it’s really fucking good. For a skinny metal head who looks like Brian “Head” Welch from Korn, his dick was huge…definitely not proportionate to his skinny body frame.

And let me say 2 things before I end this:

1) my ability to blow dudes and text at the same time is scary good.

2) you know you’ve got a great group of friends when two of them (females) walk into the bedroom watch you deep throat a dude that one of them has fucked then go get in the shower together. Followed by a third friend who does the same before getting in the shower with them. Then followed by a random dude who came to see where they went, watched you semi-puke on a dudes dick then gets in the shower with the three girls. And the next morning when you tell your HLM you owe her a bottle of lube, they all turn over in the air mattress they slept on, laugh at you and then high-five you.

I have awesome friends.

Viva Las Vegas!

I live for Vegas trips. I’ve been to Vegas more times than I can count and I’ll tell you what. It feel like each time I go I make worse decisions lol.

Like the first time I went (after turning 21) and hooked up with a girlfriend of mine. We’ve been friends since we were practically babies, and I’m pretty sure at that time our parents just assumed we were lesbians. So in Vegas that came out in conversation, one drunken thing lead to another and before you know it, we’re taking turns going down on each other.

The next time I went to Vegas was with my mother, meaning I was going dancing and bar hopping alone. And in Vegas it’s easy to do and probably not the safest. But hey. I was 22, drunk and horny and Vegas is good for frat boys.

…The kind of guys will buy you a drink, stick their hand up your dress and fuck you in the elevator before you get to the room. At least in my experience that’s what they’re good for. I met Matt in one of the hotel bars at the Luxor and he was waiting for his buddies to come down so they could go out. We had a few drinks (where are your friends dude?) and next thing I know we’re in the elevator, he’s got me pressed against a wall with my leg wrapped around him and he’s thrusting into me. When the doors open he yanks me out of the elevator, practically runs me down the hall to his room where we don’t even make it to the bed.

He was really into fucking while standing. He pinned me against the door in his room and fucked me there. Then he moved to the wall of the entry way, turned me around and pounded me from behind for a while. Then moved me to the desk and propped me up there and fucked me hard enough that the table dented and scratched the wall. He was one of those guys who probably could cum for days, because he came each time we switched positions. And he came on my dress each time. I had so much cum on that dress by the time I walked out it gave a whole new meaning to the word “cum rag”….

There was one especially memorable trip to Vegas involving a well known musician, me passing out in 2 separate bathrooms and man who to this day I’m still trying to figure out if he was a homeless man or a hipster.

But I need to get ready for work for now.

Life gets in the way

Of me feeding my vagina the D.

Work has been crazier than usual which drastically cuts down on my hunting time.

Then throw in the fact that I broke things off with The Contractor (adios, dick bag) and Fernando got himself a girlfriend life has been relatively sexless since Fernando and his friend DP’d me.

So I decided to go out and purchase a new vibe and decided on a Rabbit. I’ve only used it twice, and both times it didn’t disappoint. Especially the first time…that was the best time. Why you ask?

Because Texas was at the helm of it and even when he’s not fucking me with his glorious dick I have multiple orgasms. I don’t know if it was because of the attraction to him, the rotating head inside me, or the way he was fucking me with it but I sure as shit couldn’t replicate it on my own…don’t get me wrong, I eventually came, but it took three times as long on my own :\

But anyways, that’s where I’ve been lately. Working and not fucking. 😦