Let’s talk about fantasies..

I can’t sleep and need to get ready for work in 2 hours…so let’s talk about fantasies.

I’ve realized over the years that I have some pretty standard fantasies and done fantasies that my girlfriends and partners have deemed “out there.”

1) The “forced sex” fantasy: I’m naturally a submissive in the bedroom. But I’ve always wanted to relinquish total control over to my partner. This takes an extreme amount of trust obviously. Ever since I first came into my sexuality in my late teens I’ve always wanted my partner to force himself on. Tie me up or down so I can’t move. Threaten me. Use me and be done with me. I want to feel that extreme dominance and power over me. I want him to act out all if his fantasies on me.

2) The “dirty housewife” fantasy: I’m standing in the kitchen, cooking my partners favorite meal when he comes home from work early. Seeing me standing there in a dress and apron he comes up behind me and slowly lifts the hem of my cocktail dress up just to the seam of my panties. As he slides the elastic to the side he starts whispering what a long day he’s had and how he’s so exhausted and just wants to relax and be taken care of. I ask him what he has in mind and he grabs a fistful of my hair and forces me down to my knees, still with my back facing him. He pulls my hair so I’m looking up at him and he bends over and kisses me gently, telling me that he wants to start off with a slow and wet blow job. I happily turn around and start rubbing his cock through his slacks as he lets out that restricted sigh of anticipation. When I feel him fully hard I unzip his pants and take him out with my mouth and begin to slowly work my mouth around the tip…taking him in inch by inch until he’s fully down my throat.

As I’m moving my head up and down on his dick he grabs my hair and pulls me to a standing position, he turns me around and bends me over right next to the stove, which is hot enough by now that I can feel the heat radiating from it. He spanks me 1,2,3,4 times…hard. Hard enough that the neighbors could probably hear. I feel him pushing his fingers at my asshole and he tells me he’s going to fuck my ass harder than I’ve ever been fucker before for not having dinner ready for him. As he enters me he takes no time, thrusting hard and concentrated. Over and over again until he cums. When he pulls out he grabs me by the hair again and tells me to finish dinner before it burns or else he’ll really give me a punishment.

3) “The Santa” Fantasy: ok. I’ve always had fantasy of being fucked by a man dressed as Santa…think Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa. Every Christmas I joke about wanting Santa to empty his sack of goodies down my throat…or giving me his lump of coal for being naughty…but I really do want that to happen.

4) The “party favor” fantasy: there’s something about being used by my partners friends at a party that turns me on. I’m not even wanting to be involved in said party…I’d rather be kept hidden away in a bedroom, for he and his friends to use accordingly. Group sex, gang bang, bukkake… Anything so long as I’m giving he and his friends pleasure.

5) The “public sex” fantasy: not just sex in a public place…I want to be fucked three ways to Sunday in a porno theater. A dark room, with hands coming from every which way feeling me up until I offer myself to them. Glory holes would be even better.

6) The drummer fantasy: now I’ve been told that because of the way a drum kit is setup this fantasy is near impossible but I’ve always wanted to blow a drummer, while he’s playing. I feel like that would take skill on both our parts..but fuck…how awesome would that be, right?

The peak of my adult sluttiness

So I had this ex, whom I met on a flight back from Puerto Rico one summer.he was in the army and was flying to LA to visit family. We immediately hit it off, exchanged numbers and began a long distance relationship…him in Puerto Rico, me in the states.

We were supposed to meet up when he was on assignment in my town, but I almost died and spent the whole two weeks he was here in the hospital…so that didn’t happen. Eventually we broke up and I thought I’d never see him again. Until a year later when I ran into him on post. Yup. He was PCS’d here. Awesome.

So I decided to give him another chance and we were finally able to hook up. He was nothing spectacular. He was too slow with his stroke and couldn’t take direction. It was actually kind of sad because the phone sex was reeeeeeaaaalllly good.

So anyways, he’s up here living with a roommate and one day I’m at his place waiting for him to get home, and his roommate is there with me. For whatever reason my guy was super delayed and his rookie and I decided to crack open a few beers and get to know each other. Well, before long his roommate and I were fucking in the stairwell. His roommate was your typical alpha male. Dominant. Controlling. Physically imposing. And fuck did that turn me on. So yeah, I fucked his roommate. That’s not the slutty part…

The slutty part happened 2 hours later when my guy got home and we fucked. Going from his roommate to him was like going from a 60mph inverted roller coaster to a ducking Merry go round and being stuck on the one horse that doesn’t go up and down. Ugh. So sad. So so sad.

Anyways, I eventually told him about his roommate and I..and to be expected he blew.up.

That wasn’t enough to stop me from going over there to get banged out by his roommate while he was home. Nope. That didn’t end until one night the roommate went crazy and locked me in a closet for a few hours and threatened to kill me…but that’s another story for another time.

ALSO: I happened to run into my ex AGAIN, at a club this weekend. We went back to his place and I think the bad sec with him gave my vagina PTSD because I was drier than the Sahara desert. He tried to finger bang me and it was more awkward than the time is was 15 and let my high school boyfriend finger me on the back of a bus. Yeah. Terrible.

The time I hooked up at work

Office romances rarely work out. But I had met this guy at my job and my vagina went into hyperdrive. Immediately we started hanging out…then making out in his office.

Let’s call him John.

John was probably the best kisser I’ve ever had. He knew just how to alternate between sweet, soft kisses and wildly passionate ones. And the way he worked my mouth was the same way he worked my tits and clit. Holy fuck.

One particular night at work, after everyone left, John and I were getting steamy in his office until his pager went off alerting him something was wrong elsewhere in the building…so naturally we both went to check it out. Once we figured out that nothing was wrong we resumed our activities…

This led to me dropping to my knees and whipping his dick out behind the desk in the office we were in. He told me he never really liked receiving oral (what is it with men?) but was game if I wanted to do it.

SIDENOTE: I absolutely love everything about giving head. The feeling of a hard cock in my mouth turns me on more than spanking. I love the taste of cum…it’s to the point that the guy now calls me a “cum slut” and don’t even get me started about that moment just before a man cums when his body tenses up and he loses control of his body. Ugh. So hot.

Anyways. John had one of those dicks that was extremely curved. Upwards and to the right. It was pretty average other than the fact that it kind of reminded me of an elephant trunk when they’re making that house they make (you know the one.)

John was already a really giving person…but man was he just the sweetest head recipient ever…he gave me a temple and ear massage while I was gurgling his cock. It was weird.

So as he’s cumming, we hear a knock on the door. The overnight guy was there to relive him (as if I wasn’t enough lol) and his pants are around his knees and I’m frantically trying to swallow his load, make sure he didn’t accidentally cum on me anywhere else and put my tits back in my shirt.
We got caught. Know how we got caught? We forgot the door to the office had one of those long skinny windows…Mmhmmm….dude saw pretty much everything. I’ve done plenty of walks of shame, but I’ll tell you the most awkward one was having to slide past the overnight guy as I’m wiping the corners of my mouth.

His first time through my back door.

I was never a huge fan of anal. Tried it a couple times and never had anything pleasurable happen. Just a lot of pressure and pain…

So when he first mentioned that he wanted to fuck my ass I was all “NO MOTHERFUCKING WAY.” Then I thought about it…and thought about it…and finally decided to explore that area on my own…now I should mention that other than tongues and fingers, nothing has ever really penetrated my rear.

The first time I experimented on my own I had the most explosive orgasm I’d ever had. Then it got to the point that I couldn’t get myself off without having something stuffing my ass.

So I decided to tell him about it and it was a little bit until the time actually came (pun intended). We weren’t even planning on having sex that night…but while we were spooning he kept sticking his dick between my ass cheeks. Feeling him right there, so close was enough to almost bring me to orgasm. After a little prodding, and joking around, I told him “either fuck my ass or get your dick out of my ass.”

He’s no stranger to anal…in fact, he lost his virginity with anal. This was something we talked about in depth with each other. I wanted lube, he didn’t. I wanted it gentle, he wanted it rough.

I got my way…for the most part. He turned me over onto my stomach and pinned me down…arms to the sides of my body, him straddling me. He started with the softest, and most delicate kisses I’ve ever had caress my body. Then out of nowhere, I feel a sharp pain at the top of my right ass cheek…this dude was biting me and pulling away with me in his mouth…at the time I was so distracted my that pain..I didn’t even realize he was trying to enter me at the same time…until he started to say, “tell me if it hurts too much.” “You’re so tight, it might not fit.”

I had to tell him to lube me up as much as possible…and with what happened next I’m glad he did. The second he was balls deep in my ass the gentle and slow moving man was gone and he slammed into me so hard it knocked me forward.

He rode me like a show pony until I wiggled my arms free to spread myself wider for him. He flipped me over in one swift move and started fucking me missionary style. That’s when I couldn’t hold off anymore. 1,2,3, orgasms back to back.

4,5,6, when he choked me

7,8 and 9, when he started to play with my clit. I don’t remember much after that…honestly my mind went somewhere else. I was wrapped up in the feeling of him. The dominant way he grabbed my face and kissed me as he came. The way he kissed me when he finished and just laid there, inside me…panting like he just ran a marathon.

If you’ve never received anal and are hesitant to even go down that road…do it with someone you’re wildly attracted to. It makes it that much better. And explosive. And hot.

I can’t wait until the next time…

Trigger words.

I realized how to not only make him cum almost instantly, but a way to fuck with him…it’s cruel and because I enjoy everything about him I wouldn’t use this as a way to mess with him…but still, as a natural communicator it’s pretty sweet when your words get an instant reaction.

We had to have another quickie one night and again he was all, “you’re gonna have to stay the night, I can’t finish that quick”…alright. Challenge accepted.

Let me just say that by now I’ve established serious feelings for him. Love. And even though this was a quickie, it was nothing shirt of amazing. I made him start off my spanking me with his leather belt. If there’s one thing I’ve always loved it’s spankings with a belt. The crack of the leather against my skin. The sting across my whole ass. Hearing the way it sort of creaks just before he spanked me…everything. I’ve never been wetter than that. While he was spanking me though, he was concerned about hurting me. About leaving marks. About me not being able to sit down later…but that’s what I wanted.

When we finally got down to business it was all on the up and up…I came multiple times, and then I wanted him to have his turn. I said two little words to him. I never knew two words could hold so much power. Could somehow take control of a mans body and leave him helpless. Those two words?

“Use me.”

That was it. He used me. Again, we got dressed and I left with him between my legs. Later that night I asked him what about those two words made him cum so quick and he couldn’t explain it.

What do you do when you’ve never loved before?

When you love someone you trust them. I’ve never loved or trusted.

I’ve found someone who I both love and trust…the only thing is that distance keeps us from putting definitions on our relationship. It’s a free for all with emotions involved.

I’ve been in relationships where we kept it casual. It was easy. Because there were no emotions involved. They were just a body I got along with that kept me company.

But I’ve gotten myself into a situation where I actually love someone. I care about them deeply. And they say they feel the same way. So much so that he broke that barrier before I did. He told me I’m his soulmate and he couldn’t imagine life without me.

I believed him. I felt the same way, and he had no idea. How could I not believe him. At least I thought I felt the same way. He would tell me regularly he felt the same way….

Then one day he started telling me about his nights out with his friends…involving a girl…who he’s been trying to sleep with.

I asked him why he tells me loves me then he goes after her. He says because we’re not dating. I say I want to he says he doesn’t believe me because I won’t marry him or give him a baby. I tell him it’s because I want to date first. He says it’s because I questioned him about the girl. I tell him because I’m curious. I trust him. He won’t reply.

I’m in a situation completely unfamiliar. I want to fight for it. Because from what I hear you fight for love. but if I don’t know where he wants to be where I’m concerned, what do I do? He won’t respond to my questions. The rational side of me says leave it and walk away. The other part of me says to stay and wait it out.

This man literally has my heart in his hands and he’s playing a solo game of hot potato with it.

I don’t know how to love.

A quickie

So after a few weeks and a couple casual dates (no sex) we decided to spend an afternoon together. He showed me some of his favorite parks around town…places he goes to think and get away for a bit. We only had about 6 hours and spend 5 of them out. By the time we got back to his place (I left my car there), we maybe 45 minutes with each other…and for some reason he kept fucking around with various conversation topics and things. When he finally decided he was ready to fuck we literally had 15 minutes…now remember, he doesn’t like quickies and I do.

He wanted it. I wanted it. He wanted more time. I didn’t have it. After some careful teasing with the offer of spanking and hair pulling, he finally decided he was gonna give me my quickie. We have barely 10 minutes until I have to leave. As we’re getting undressed he keeps telling me that he won’t be able to finish that soon. But remember, this is the same guy who said he almost came when he penetrated me last time.

In a previous post I mentioned how primal he is in bed. This time was nothing less. In those 7 minutes (in heaven lol – yes I was counting), I came 5 times. Someone do the math and tell me how many that is per minute!

It was at that point I introduced the dirty talk to him. Not the standard, “god you feel so good” or “I love it when you fuck me like this” kind if deal…I went with “I want you to fuck me like the dirty whore I am” and “I’m your fuck toy.” That got him there after a few minutes. And we were done. No cuddling, no pillow talk, no clean up. I left his house with him dripping out of me and that was just as much of a turn on as he was.

The second time

The second time he and I were able to connect was a good 5 months after our first encounter…don’t get me wrong, he and I kept in constant contact over those months…because of time constraints we couldn’t ever hook up. He’s not into quickies and I was the one with a time-crunch.

I’ll never forget that night…not just because we had incredible sex, but because of what led up to it.  The night before he took me out to dinner and another show. We hadn’t really talked about me staying with him but I absolutely could not that night.  It sparked a huge fight between us.  Massive.  He pretty much kicked me out of his house. I was in tears driving home and he was pissed.  He called me later that night and we agreed that we could finish our date the next night. That next night, he confessed part of the reason he was upset was because he had a whole night planned for us…and admittedly I did ruin it.  So we agreed to just enjoy each others company that night.  And boy did we.

I don’t know if it was because we had actually bulit up such a strong connection with each other over those five months or what but the sex that night was even better than the first time.  Probably because he really focused on foreplay with me. He didn’t go as hard as he did before, but I got him to choke me, which we both realized turned us on immensely. Even still I have dreams of his hand wrapped around my neck. It reminds how strong and masculine he is. It makes me feel like my life is in his hands…it’s incredibly erotic.

I swear we fucked for at least an hour. I came so many times I lost track after 10. Not even exaggerating. He says he almost came when he entered me…well the same goes for me. Remember that god-given perfect dick I mentioned in my last post? That’s how much of a blessed entity it is.

Now I have to admit, we really kept it to missionary…nothing special. But holy fucking tits on a stick it was spectacular. So damn good that as soon as we finished I texted my best friend to tell her. The best part was how intense my orgasms were. They devastated my motor skills. I couldn’t move by the time we were done. I laid in his bed for over 12 hours recovering….I’m used to fucking a dude then leaving before the sheets dry.

I knew after that night that I wasn’t just in love with him as a person, but the way he dicked me down.

Dick Pics

I’m not shy with my body.  God has blessed me with some huge assets and I love showing them off to men I’m attracted to.  He was no exception.  And usually when I send a particularly sexy titty pic, I get a nice dick pic in return…


not from him though.  He said he’s never done that and never will.  I figured thats fine – none for you from me then!…that lasted about 2 days.  Here’s a tip:  Don’t drink a bottle of wine by yourself while texting a man you’re attracted to.  It only ends in titty pics and disappointment.

But one day, one glorious, god blessed day I woke up from a late night of texting him about nothing even remotely sexual to the holy grail of dick pics.  Yes, the man who has never sent one and claimed to never send one in the future sent lowly ole me a pic of his wonderful man-stick.  And let me tell you, of all the dicks I’ve had and seen, this man’s is the definition of perfect.  If you ask him he’ll either tell you its too small or “perfectly average” as he described it to me.

On the real, size-wise, it perfect. Its above average in length and and width, but not so much that it hurts.  Just enough so that you feel comfortably full.  He’s perfectly circumcised, which as a woman who has always preferred an uncut man, is nice.  I’m more of a giver and love to really play with a man’s hood when he’s in my mouth….so being with men who were circumcised was always kind of a let down…I don’t know why….but his perfectly shaped and circumcised dick all I could think about was getting my lips on him…

So I tell him, “holy shit I’m staying in bed all day and masturbating to this…what gives?”

He tells me he doesn’t know but since I’ve asked in the past he wanted to oblige me…My mama taught me not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I did exactly what I told him I was going to do….then went on a mission to find a toy that looked as close to his as I could find…I couldn’t…that’s how perfect it is.




The First Time

Okay not my “first” time…that was too many years ago.  But my first time with him.  The man who was a catalyst for this blog.

We met online and decided after about a month to meet up.  We went to a bar, had a few drinks and then went to a show.  Pretty casual date.  We already knew we had an instant connection based off of the hundreds of hours we would spend talking and getting to know each other.  I personally had never, ever felt as connected to someone right off the bat as him.

So back to that first night.  We were both late.  I actually was convinced he was going to stand me up.  But he showed up and it was an instant feeling of chemistry.  It kind of felt like we had been friends for years….

The original plan was to meet up and me go back to his place at the end of the night…but being a female in a big city I decided to get a hotel and not tell him…What can I say, I needed an exit plan in case he turned out to be psycho.  He wasn’t and by the end of the show we were both beyond drunk and in my mind, I wanted him.  Bad.  I brought up the hotel and told him and he.was.offended.  Like could not BELIEVE I had the audacity to book a hotel.  Once he quit being a bitch about it we got back up to the room and the race was on.

It wasn’t a race.  It wasn’t anything close to a race.  For once in my sexual life I was with a man who saw my pleasure as the goal.  Seriously, I’ve been with some jerks.

Because of my personal taste in sex (the rougher the better) he knew what I was into.  And I lucked out with him…I’m a masochist, he’s a sadist.  Match made in heaven this time.  And he was balls to the wall about sex.  I was riding the crimson tide hard that night and he was down for everything…oral, anal, vaginal…he did it all.  It was mind-blowing.

Now, I’m not a person to enjoy receiving oral…but this man knew exactly where to put his tongue and what to do with his fingers.  he was all over me and it was incredible.  And without even knowing where my sweet spots were or what positions got me off the quickest he automatically knew what to do.  He was paying attention to my reactions to his various touches.  I love being “prone-boned”…with my arms and legs restrained by his body as he rides me from behind.  That drives me wild. Hair pulling…hard…drives me wild.  He damn near gave me whiplash with his hair pulling.  But spanking…spanking is my fail safe if I’m not turned on.  I like to walk away from sex with bruises on my ass…I want to remember it for days afterwards…needless to say his hand was imprinted on my left cheek.  Days after our encounter, every time I sat down it was an erotic reminder of him.

What I didn’t realize was that he’s a biter. It makes sense…sex with him is very primal and savage.   I could feel his teeth on my back, sending waves of pain throughout my body as he’s riding me like a show pony and that only turned me on more.  And made me come harder.  The next day I happened to go dress shopping with a friend and one particular dress I tried on was a spaghetti strap with a drop back on it.  When she saw his teeth marks she screamed in the store dressing room.  It took over a week for all of them to fade.

I would say I was hooked after that first time, but it was like another 5 months until we could line our schedules up to meet up again…

What I can say about that first night is that it was just a taste of what was to come…over and over again.